Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Landlord Woes

This is a blog I posted after being incredibly upset and tired after dealing with an incredibly horrible situation with the landlord. It's now finally on better terms. I still have some resentments towards the whole ordeal but they are not directed quite as much towards the landlord as they are in other directions but that's a whole nother story that I don't harbor enough resentment toward to open back up at this time.

Here's the post:

Overtired and pissed off.
Saturday, January 16, 2010 at 7:41pm | Edit Note | Delete
So all through this entire month I have refused to let myself get upset at any point. I've remained optimistic and steadfast in a belief that if i busted my ass I could make amends for the things I fucked up during my depression and start on a path for the future.

I honestly think if there is a higher power he/she likes to shit on me from time to time.

Alright so I KNOW that in all honesty because I was depressed and I didn't pay my share or rent last month the landlord has every right to be pissed about it. But the shit hes done to me over the past two fucking weeks has to be god damn illegal.

on jan 4th he asked me about the past due amount and i told him as I told him in december I have a large sum of money coming in march and i'd be able to pay off what i owe. he then on the 4th said he wanted written proof of this annuity. I'm like "uh i was 9 years old and recovering from a car accident when this was set up for me and the only people that knew anything about it are dead but i'll try" I did finally after a week of digging find out the name of the company and get the notarized letter for them andall that on jan 9th the landlord calls flipping out asking why he doesn't have proof yet...I explain to him i had to MAIL the letter and they would MAIL a letter back to me but it had to be notarized because I also had to change my address..."hello, hi this email is truly from rebekah fitch and i'd like to change my address and find out how much money i'm stiill getting" that doesn't cut it when you're talking enough money to buy a new car and have more money left over ...

on jan 4th he writes me a mean letter saying my disabled car that (has a flat tire because i didn't pay to fix the car so i could give him rent) was parked way out of the way of everyone else including the plow was in the way and needed to be moved. I moved it to where he told me to move it. then on the 10th along with a 7 day eviction notice he gives me a 48 hour notice to move my disabled car that is now so much so in the way that the plow won't come anymore (might i add the driveway is big enough for 4 cars and i'm the only person in the building who owns a car) and i have 48 hours to get my car completely out of the driveway cuz my right to park in the driveway has been revoked.

so recap he basically forced me to move my not in the way car, to BE in the way so he could have a reason to force me to get the car out of the driveway. whatever fne its a tire ill find someone to help me change the tire no big deal right

Insert his little eviction notice...i tell him I already have an apointment on the 11th with the town to get general assistance for the months rent so that i could get back on track...pay my past due for december with the general assistance and then go to work and earn january's rent...he throws a little fit still wanting to kick me out until he forces me to play his game of graveling while he's saying such things as "i can't adopt you" well i don't want you to fucking adopt me i'm 29 and my parents are dead and that's why i'm being depressed right now mourning the 1 yr death date of my father you inconsiderate FUCK.

Im like but you said if i got you proof of th eannuity you'd be happy...he then says "that doesn't prove you're going to pay me and i gave you 7 days and you didnt produce it" cuz 7 days is totally enough time to get a letter notarized, mailed to company in seattle and receive a letter back right? So i called the company and spent the entire day monday at city hall and bouncing all over the town getting shit notarized and faxed to the company and hoping theyd fax me something the next day with proof.

Finally hes like alright call me when you get the proof when i call him and tell him i will have proof the following day.

I spend tuesday going all over town on foot trying to get additional help and then picking up the fax from staples. I get home and im about to go to work but i call him anyway...he says "im coming over and well have a meeting" at which point he makes me sign a promissary note stating that i'll be responsible for not only what i 'm past due but my roommate as well. And then tells me to get the city hall general assistance taken care of and the car taken care of before next snow fall. I'm like alright.

I go back to city hall wednesday morning (might i add my sleep schedules fucked up severely at this point so i didn't even sleep tuesday night but still got up at 7:30a.m. and walked to the fucking city hall anyway. they then give me another paper because HE didn't prove ownership of the building when he took it over after his mother died they give me ANOTHER form for him to fill out *yay me* i walk home and call him to ask if he can come pick it up ...hoping that i can sleep from noon to 5 get up go to the gym and then go to work* he says "why don't you take a walk and bring it to me" off i go again to fucking EAST AVE I get there, he doesn't even let me come into the building to warm up he takes the paper and says he'll fax it and then leaves me to walk back home FREEZING like hi thanks could you at least let me come in for 5 minutes so i can get warm? bastard. I walk home pass out and wake up at midnight.

I stay up all night so that on thursday morning i can go the gym at 5a.m., get dropped off at the fucking city hall so i can finsh the paperwork with them and get the voucher for the landlord and then go to work. I come home trying to stay awake but fail and wake up at midnght on the couch where i dropped.

I again stay up all damn night so that on friday morning i can go to the gym and then go to work...once getting to work I call the landlord to tell him i have the voucher and ask him if he wants to pick it up...he tells me he wants me to drop it off again, i say i can't i'm at work...and he gets mad at me! (mad that i'm at work trying to make the money for the rest of the rent and can't walk to east ave when he has a truck and can come get his money or i can mail it to him but he refuses to let me mail it. meh)

so zack drops me off from work at 2 and i proceed to again try to stay awake...manage to make it to about 4p.m. and pass out til 7 when jeremy wakes me up. zack then stops back by around 8 to try his hardest to help me wth the tire. while we're outside fucking with the car the landlord shows up going "i have spies all over this neighborhood and im not going to tell you where and they called me to tell me something was going on in the driveway...do you have my voucher" he watches as zack struggles to get the rusted solidly in place tire off my car and can't then says "sorry can't help ya" and takes his voucher and then gets mad that it has no phone number for general assistance so i make sure to look it up and give it to him for him.

Zack said he'd wait and come back tonight (saturday) with some stuff to spray on the tire to see if we could get it free...i called my brother who says hes working overtime all weekend but he'd come up on monday (the holiday he gets the day off) So i ended up going back to bed and waking up at 6a.m. this morning which was awesome...its now 7:30 p.m. and im still awake (awesome) sleep schedule begining to finally form!

I woke up this morning excited like alright this is working out! go to the gym at 7a.m., go shopping with sarah, go to work til 4 come home have zack help me with the tire and worst case scenerio if he can't get it off my brother WILL get it off on monday.

I come home to my roommate going "the landlord left you a voicemail"

the voicemail being "i drove by your house today and saw that the car was still in the driveway and I want you to know you have until noon tomorrow or i'm calling a wrecker so i suggest you do it before me or youre going to have to pay a lot more to get it back. so i call him trying to explain to him not only what is happening but what he SAWHAPPENING and hes like "no becky no more excuses i'm done playing these games with you i want the car off the property by noon tomorrow or i'm going to have the car towed, end of story.

can i just say WHATTHE FUCK!??!??? what games am i playing? cuz i think i've spent every waking moment that ive had this week aside from an hour a day to go to the gym trying to fix shit to make the mother fucking bastard happy...i'm sorry that in one week i just didnt have the time to get everything done. I mean I suppose I could have just continued to not go to work to get it done...but where would i ahve been on pay day when hes standing there with his hand out and i'm like "well ya see...i got my car out of the driveway last week and got general assitance by sitting at the city hall all day for 3 days, ran all over town and made all kinds of phone calls, research and faxing and emailing to try to get you proof of my annuity and then walked 4 miles to drop off a paper that would have taken you 2 minutes to pick up so i didn't have time to fit work into that senerio...hope you understand"

I'm so ready to just move out at this point and be like go ahead take me to court...i can't imagine a judge is goin to find in your favor when you're treating your tennants like this. You forced me to do things so that you could cause more problems for me and then you get mad at me when I don't jump every single one of your hoops? aesome.

So if zack can't get the tire off tonight then I have to pay 40$ tomorrow to have someone come out and take it off for me. fun shit.

Why do I never get to deal with normal problems lol...fucks sake...can't i just have one day where the drama is my hair looks like shit or the glue came undone on my sneakers?

Is there nothing to be said for someone who is OBVIOUSLY bending over backwards busting there ass to prove to you that they are genuine and are truly trying to get things back on track? Do you just beat an honest person that isnt looking to fuck you into the ground so badly that they WANTto fuck you just because you're being such an asshole they don't care anymore?

And to make matters just a little bit ..happier...party central is about to commence at my house while im trying to sleep so i can get up at 6a.m. and try to fix all this bullshit. But I'm the asshole to tell the roommate to please not have people over because Im trying to get my life back together and fix damage that you helped create. So I just suffer through that one too...I mean hey...who cares that he still hasn't paid anything toward rent this month, he lives here too and should be allowed to do what he wants and have whoever he wants over right? I mean shit...I'd feel that way too. fuck being considerate of the person whos trying to pull my dead weight...

FML :) (for now anyway lol..this to shall pass this to shall pass THIS TO SHALL FUCKING PASS!) haha

*growls*

My Mother.

One of the things that has been hardest for me to face has been my mother's death. Hers was not the first death I had encountered but it was definitely the most traumatic. My mother was my best friend and she sheltered me very much throughout my life and as a result I was very dependant upon her. I never got over her death, I don't think we ever get over someone we love dying, but I mean i never stopped grieving. Seven years after her death and I could still be reduced to a bucket of tears at just the thought of her, good or bad. I've learned I need to let go of the pain and embrace the happy times and in doing that I have learned alot more about myself. Amazing how when you let go of some of the pain of the past how much more room you have for love in the present.

My mother died January 9th 2003. This past January 9th I wrote this poem not only in her memory but in an attempt to put to words my commitment to myself to let go of the bad and come to terms with the fact that she has died but I'm still here.

Dear Mom,
How's the afterlife treating you?
Seven years is a long time, yet it's still hard believing anyone could need you more than I do.
Do you finally have the joy you never had on earth?
do you still watch over me like you always did since my birth?
i wish you butterflies and blue skies.
A place where you're no longer in pain and true love never dies.
My heart aches to share with you all the goings on of my life.
Knowing it's your blood pumping warm in my veins helps lessen that strife.
I have my regrets, I'm no stranger to contrition,
but deep down I know you'd release me from my guilt, call it a daughters intuition
I still have my stubborn will you loved so much,
I have used it to self destruct but I am now using it to put my dreams within touch
Seven years ago today I watched the life leave your bodily form.
The will of a higher power, now yours to preform
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
The circle of life goes on, memories the one thing left to restore my hope and trust.
You before me, the order rightfully placed.
Unless I desire total destruction, i must stop feeling so defaced
Love and Love and Love I give thee
I bid you as I hope for myself, a chance to finally be happy and free.
Rest well my angel, I love you.

Irrevocably Yours,
Me.

Judith Ann Fitch
August 26th, 1943 - January 9th, 2003

New Years Eve.

When I originally made the commitment to make a change in my life I had started to post about it on my Facebook wall to my friends, so considering that is where this blog truly should have started I am going to be bringing some of my postings from Facebook to here and trying to fill in any gaps there may be. Forgive me if they are not as polished as they should be. I feel I would be doing a dis-service to myself to change them at this time.

New Years Reso...Insight?Share
Friday, January 1, 2010 at 9:05am | Edit Note | Delete
So I rang in the new year absolutely horribly and as I sit here with an incredibly large headache (probably induced from the incredibly large bottle of rum i consumed?) and can't sleep because of the pain caused by self inflicted stupidity I have had time to think.

The questions I have been asking myself the most are:

Why do I self destruct? Why am I so unhappy? Why can't I get my shit together? Why do I run away from everything that scares me? Why can't I let go of my mother's death?

I think I've come down to the realization that I can't let go of my mother's death because there's not much of anything good to replace it with. There isn't much of anything good in my life because once I get it, I get too scared to hold onto it so I run away. In the process of running away I begin to loathe myself so much that I become completely unhappy and self destruct. I can't get my shit together because I can't face myself long enough to learn who I am.

Obviously the roommate thing was not a good idea for me. Though I will miss having a companion I won't miss the drama, depression and lack of a personal life that it's caused. Deep down I think I only did it because I was incredibly lonely and wanted someone around. Too bad I picked someone that was equally as depressed, lazy, unmotivated in life, and so self centered he couldn't see past himself to care about anyone else. At least this is something that will be fixed by march.

I spend as little time in the mirror as absolutely possible because I can't stand to look at myself. I feel incredibly fat and everytime I look at myself I don't see the me I feel when I am not looking in a mirror. I have decided to make a commitment to myself to work on making the two match for the better. I am blessed to have two friends that have gym memberships that allow an extra guest to come with them when they go so until March when I will be able to afford my own I will be taking you both up on the offers to go with you.

I HATE my job. I can't even begin to describe to you how much I HATE my job. but I'm so afraid of going after something I want that I stay and I am unsatisfide which leads to more depression and unhappiness. I tell myself I stay at pinetree because I make good money there...yet because I hate the job so much I barely go to work thus lowering my income dramatically. My dream for many years now has been to design websites for bands. I have been thinking heavily about going back to school for web design and I do feel this will be a decision that although it terrifies me, I will finally follow through with.

Friendships. To me friendships have always been difficult to hold onto. I am miserable in my life and I try so hard to find something to hold onto that I become to clingy. I need to learn to let go and let others come to me when and if they chose to do so and if they don't...then oh well and to not give people so much power to hurt me.

Lewiston. I can't STAND this ghetto ass piece of shit town. It's a depression in and of itself. In March when I have my new car I intend to start looking for a small comfortable apartment in a new area that I feel I might be more comfortable in. I may have to travel in for work for a while until I can find something new but until then I'll be fine.

Drinking. More and more I have decidedly started to hate going out, hate drinking all the time, hate having alcohol being a constant around my house and in my life. As a result of that I drink because I want to go out with my friends...but then I just become an unhappy drunk because I feel as though I am drinking just to maintain friendships and to be able to deal with a drunk roommate. "going out" should be just that. It should feel special it shouldn't feel like you just moved the big house party to the bar.

I'd like to say I've decided I won't be drinking anymore but knowing that my roommate for the next couple months is still going to be having parties at my house and getting wasted every weekend and if I'm sober I wanna kill him. I'll probably end up drinking, but once I have a place of my own and I don't have to worry about these things I have decided to put up the going out and leave it for a special occasions. If my friends miss me they will come see me or invite me to do something other than drinking with them and if they don't...well I guess we weren't very good friends were we?

I also feel the need to make a commitment to myself in the manner of my health. I have not dealt with my mothers death and there is still so much about just coping that I have not begun to understand in life that i now know I should be going to see a councelor and I am going to make that happen.

I've never felt like i've deserved anything beyond pain because it's all i've ever truly felt but I do feel that this year is the year that I can teach myself that maybe that's not all that there is.

I know that some of my goals won't be accomplished within this year...I know that some can't be accomplished right away. But I don't consider this a resolution after all. I consider it a commitment to bettering myself and making my life better. Be the person I want to be and not the person I feel I have to be...because we all know how well that's worked out...

Starting Point.

Hello,
My name is Becks and I would like to thank you for stopping by my blog.

This is my first blog I have ever tried to run so we'll see how it goes.

I am delighted to have you along for the ride and I hope that by reading about my journey I can inspire yours.

Everyone in my life has always told me at one point or another that I should write a book about my life, but I never felt as though there was enough story to my life to end it well, nobody likes a bad ending right?

My life has not been easy, infact it has probably faced more pain, heartache, death, depression, medical problems, suicidal thoughts, confusion, social ineptitude, loneliness, frustration, financial woes and face plants in the proverbial dirt than any person just about to embark upon their thirtieth year in existance should ever have to face.

If you would like to read a bit more about my back story let me know and I will write a bit detailing the things that have brought me to the point I am at now. I have decided to not start off with a lot of back story at the time being because this blog is not meant to be a depressing recount of the past, but a progress report of the present and the future to come. I will during blogs provide some back story to help my readers understand what I have gone through because I do believe it's important to understand where someone has come from to appreciate where they are.

This blog, if it does as I hope it will, will be used to show myself that I can set and achieve my goals, a progress report to see what works and what doesn't in making changes and a reminder to stay focused and make those changes solid.

I hope to learn more about myself, others and open myself to new experiences through self discovery. By documenting these events I will be able to look back on them from time to time as a way to make sure I do not get lazy in my goals. I suppose you could say it is me being my own mother, I am putting it on paper for the world and my self to see so that I may learn from my experiences even beyond living them and I can hold myself accountable for what I have or have not done and by doing so be able to grow.

In addition to helping myself I hope that I will be able to reach out to others who may have walked a similar path as me, ever felt the way I've felt or most simply put, anyone out there that may need a little something to help them realize there is more to life than the down side and with a little self exploration and building the right foundation there can be hope.

This is a judgment free zone. Your background, your problems, what you look like, your sex, race, sexual preference, NONE of it matters here. This is simply a blog for anyone suffering no matter how big or how small that is looking for a better way. I am not saying my answers are right for everyone, infact I'm still in the early stages of paving my road to happiness. There will probably be snags in my design along the way, but I am only human and as long as I give it my best shot than I know that eventually I will find what works.

We all have to start somewhere and just keep laying one brick at a time, if one does not work, it can be reomved and replaced with one that does.

If blogging my efforts to reach my goals helps you in some way to reach your own goals I am pleased. I like to believe that my life has been filled with so many obstacles for a purpose, if that purpose is to tell my story and share my experiences in the attempt of helping someone who may be in a position I have been in or helping them avoid being in a similar position that makes everything worth it.

Thank you for taking the time to read.
Take Care
Becks.